I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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