mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
