My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
