dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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