Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
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