I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
