I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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