Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
we're making bets on your personal life
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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