I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
