I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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