I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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