She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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