So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
