Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
