Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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