About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize