I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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