I just pynch a tree in the face
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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