we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
