No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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