hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
