I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
