only if we run a train.
done.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
