my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
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