I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
