dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
