shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
