i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
