I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
