So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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