she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
