so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
