So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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