Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
