You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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