Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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