And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
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