i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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