oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
