Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
