there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
