if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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