my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
