i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Randomize
