Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
