We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
