too bad you live with your parents still
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
