I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
