Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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