just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
it's like iHOP with fire
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
