my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
