Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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