Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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