ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
