Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
