am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
After tacos, we're chasing women.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
