i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
