He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I would ride that face into the sunset
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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