Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
