You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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