Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
