I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
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