we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
