Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize