this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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