there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
