she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
