I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
