I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize