Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
