You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
