Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You made out with two different species that night
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
