There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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