Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
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