Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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