ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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