I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
