we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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