the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
