Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
