You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
