i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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