You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
