if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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