I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
It was confusing and full of hummus
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
