i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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