Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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