my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
