Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
