The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Randomize
